I Love Pampered Chef….& Other Lies I Tell at the Post Office

This morning, on my way home from dropping my son off at pre-school, I stopped into the post office to pick up some bread and milk.  Just kidding…I stopped to mail a package.

Anyway, there was only one person working at the desk and a relatively long line.  After about five minutes, the woman in front me turned and asked if it would be OK if she stepped out of line for a moment to set her heavy looking package on the counter.

I smiled and told her I didn’t mind at all.

When she returned, she informed me that her daughter had just recently moved to Arizona and she was mailing her a box of duplicate Pampered Chef items she’d accidentally purchased more than once while at different parties.

I thought about telling her the last thing my mom mailed to me were treasures from my childhood….covered in green mold….but I didn’t, because I’m working on improving my small talk skills.

“Obviously, I love Pampered Chef.”  She said.

“Me too.”  I lied….for literally no reason.  “I have so much of it.”  (Lie)

“What’s your favorite product?”  She asked.

“Fuck.”  I said.  (Lie)

I have one thing from Pampered Chef.  A pizza stone I bought when a neighbor hosted a party at least seven years ago and I doubt it’s the pinnacle of their product line.

What I actually said was, “Just one favorite?!  There are so many.”  (Lie)

She told me she had a lot of favorites too….including some kind of pan, that had some sort of foam thing and maybe a heart, I’m not really sure, I wasn’t really listening, but then she said her prized items were the knives.

That sounded good, so I told her I would have to agree. (Lie)

Apparently, those knives are pretty damn special, because she informed me she is the only person in her household allowed to use them.

I told her I was the only person in my household who ever cooked and that I doubted anyone in my family would even knew where to find a knife, let alone what to do with it if they did.  (Lie)

Then she asked if I purchased often and if I knew a consultant, or just attended regular parties. Then, I panicked.

I knew that if I told her neither applied, I’d probably end up leaving there with a business card, a catalog and possibly a commitment to host a party this very weekend.

So, I told her I had a consultant.  (Lie)

“That’s great!  Good to have the connection.  Is she local, what’s her name?”

“Fuck.” I said.  (Lie)

“No, not local.”  Her name is Wendy.  I’ve known her since college, she lives in Kentucky.”  (LIES….ALL LIES).

Then she gave me her card and told me that if I was ever interested in attending a local party and meeting some new people, to give her a call or send her an email.

“Awesome!  I definitely will!”  I said with enthusiasm  (Lie)

Now, I have to find a new post office.

 

7 Comments on “I Love Pampered Chef….& Other Lies I Tell at the Post Office

  1. I have had so many exact conversations…be it Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, Party Lite candles (yes there is such a thing), Stamp/craft products, etc. Those damn direct sales people are all the same…annoying as hell!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glad to know I’m not the only one! I’m horrible with sales people in general. If I have to purchase something that can’t be found online, I will spend literally hours researching whatever it is, decide what I want and then go in the store prepared to act like I am the subject matter expert, capable of deflecting even the most skilled retail sales person. Bring it!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Right!? I know a few of them as well. I think it’s great these women are finding a way to build small businesses, but if I don’t bite at the million FB posts about my last opportunity to purchase a starter kit before time runs out, chances are, I’m not interested!

      Liked by 1 person

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