Boys Have a Penis, Girls Have a Bagina….
Since the birth of our son, my husband and I have worked out a weekend and vacation arrangement that allows each of us one morning to sleep in, while the others get’s up with our early rising (6:00am) four-year-old.
This morning was my morning to sleep in. I woke up about 9:00am and went through my usual routine of setting out something comfy, but appropriate, for a quick coffee run before heading into the bathroom.
Just as I had sat to pee, my son burst through the door. My bra, which had previously been laid out on the bed, was now dangling from his head and a large, plastic Thor hammer was clutched in his tiny hand.
My Son: Well, good morning to you Mommy! Are you dropping a deuce?
Me: Um, excuse me….can I get a little privacy here?
My Son, not to be thrown off course: Well, are you? Dropping a deuce?
Me: No. I’m peeing.
My Son, smacking his palm to his forehead in exasperation: Mommy! You pee standing up. You poop sitting down!
Me: Honey, Mommy is a girl. Girls pee sitting down.
My Son: Where is your penis?
Me: Mommy, doesn’t have a penis. I have a vagina.
My Son, laughing hysterically: A bagina! What’s a bagina?
Me: It’s what girls have. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.
My Son, contemplating this information: Can I check and make sure?
Me: Make sure what?
My Son: That you don’t have a penis. I want to see.
Me: No. You can’t check, but I assure you it isn’t there.
My son: Well, I think we should get you a penis. Maybe today, we can go to the penis store and get you penis.
Me: It doesn’t really work that way and besides, I have one. You call him daddy.
My Son, running from the room, holding his bra hat to the top of his head, his Thor hammer prepared to strike: Daddy! (giggles) Daddy! Mommy doesn’t have a penis! (more giggles) She has a bagina!
My husband, in his deepest voice: I know.