Boys Have a Penis, Girls Have a Bagina….

Since the birth of our son, my husband and I have worked out a weekend and vacation arrangement that allows each of us one morning to sleep in, while the others get’s up with our early rising (6:00am) four-year-old.

This morning was my morning to sleep in.  I woke up about 9:00am and went through my usual routine of setting out something comfy, but appropriate, for a quick coffee run before heading into the bathroom.

Just as I had sat to pee, my son burst through the door.  My bra, which had previously been laid out on the bed, was now dangling from his head and a large, plastic Thor hammer was clutched in his tiny hand.

My Son:  Well, good morning to you Mommy!  Are you dropping a deuce?

Me:  Um, excuse me….can I get a little privacy here?

My Son, not to be thrown off course:  Well, are you?  Dropping a deuce?

Me:  No.  I’m peeing.

My Son, smacking his palm to his forehead in exasperation:  Mommy!  You pee standing up.  You poop sitting down!

Me:  Honey, Mommy is a girl.  Girls pee sitting down.

My Son:  Where is your penis?

Me:  Mommy, doesn’t have a penis.  I have a vagina.

My Son, laughing hysterically:  A bagina!  What’s a bagina?

Me:  It’s what girls have.  Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.

My Son, contemplating this information:  Can I check and make sure?

Me:  Make sure what?

My Son:  That you don’t have a penis.  I want to see.

Me:  No.  You can’t check, but I assure you it isn’t there.

My son:  Well, I think we should get you a penis.  Maybe today, we can go to the penis store and get you penis.

Me:  It doesn’t really work that way and besides, I have one.  You call him daddy.

My Son, running from the room, holding his bra hat to the top of his head, his Thor hammer prepared to strike:  Daddy!  (giggles)  Daddy!  Mommy doesn’t have a penis!  (more giggles)  She has a bagina!

My husband, in his deepest voice:  I know.

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