A Peaceful Summer’s Eve….
It’s possible I may have discovered a way to end all wars between men and bring peace on earth….thanks to my discovery of the world’s perfect weapon. It doesn’t kill or maim and its biological and environmental impact is relatively minimal compared to its counterparts in the weapons department.
What is it?
Feminine hygiene products.
It was a male co-worker who gave me the idea.
Last week, he and I were tasked with facilitating an orientation for newly hired associates who have joined The Big Ass Company over the course of the last month or so. It wasn’t a new responsibility. We’ve conducted the training sessions together several times and we’ve worked together for years, so there is a general familiarity and comfort level between us.
The morning of the first day of training started off like every other first day. We set up and organized the training room, reviewed the agenda, discussed the other tasks we each needed to accomplish throughout the week and we chatted about the latest in office gossip.
As we were setting up our individual work stations in the back of the room, I set my large work tote on one of the conference room tables and began pulling out file folders, my day planner, a notebook, etc., when suddenly, a rogue tampon that had become lodged between some of the items, flew out of the bag and onto the table where it bounced and skittered to a stop in front of my co-worker.
Based on his reaction, you would have thought I had pulled the pin on a live grenade and tossed it at him.
Me: Geez, relax! It’s just a tampon.
Me: Seriously? It’s not like it’s used!
Co-Worker: Ewww….awww, c’mon….ah….um….yech!
Me: Are you shaking? Does Playtex really instill that much fear? MAXI PAD, MAXI PAD, MAXI PAD!
So, here’s what I propose. I think we fly a cargo jet over battlefields and release everything Always, Carefree, Kotex, Tampax and Stayfree manufacture….toss out a few fully assembled bottles of douche for good measure….and watch how quickly the white flags start to fly.
I think it could work.