I Would Run….from a Serial Killer….or a Zombie

New friend I met at the gym:  “Hey!  I’m in a running club.  Any interest in joining?”


New Friend I met at the gym:  Its fun!  What do you think?


New friend I met at the gym:  “Is that a no?”


I am totally open to most forms of exercise, but I draw the line at running and Zumba/Zumba-like activities. 

When it comes to anything Zumba’ish….picture a fish out of water….flopping around haphazardly….now you know what I look like when I dance.

When it comes to running, I’ve tried.  There have been many times I’ve gone out and invested in expensive, top of the line running shoes, devised a training plan, envisioned myself crossing the finish line at a major marathon….and then wound up gardening in my expensive, top of the line running shoes instead.

I just can’t get into it.  I’ve heard runners tell me they experience a euphoric sense of calm and peace while they run.  That they focus in on the rhythm of their feet and the steady cadence of their breathing.  I’ve seen runners who look as though they are somehow gliding as they run….their strides steady and light and a part of me wants to join them.

Unfortunately, I look like a sack full of rocks being dragged across a bumpy road and the only thing I can focus on is how much I hate running and how bored I am.


I will hike for dozens of miles carrying a 30 pound backpack up and down mountains for days with a giant smile on my face.  I will bike ride for hours pulling my son along behind me in a cart affixed to my bike wishing we could ride forever.  I will Spin and Bootcamp and Booty Build and Muscle Pump and Namaste every day of the week….but I cannot bring myself to jog even a block, let alone a mile.

I know that for most people, becoming a real runner takes time and commitment….but I’m pretty sure if I were ever in a run for my life with someone else, I would probably just trip that person so I would be free to casually walk away.

For all you runners out there though….Run!  Run like the wind!

You’ll never convince me to join you, but if you ever need a ride back to your car….or someone to drive along slowly beside you playing something like “Eye of the Tiger” for motivation….I’m totally in.

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