The Big Dump….

I realized recently, scrolling through the blog posts I’ve written the last few months, that very little has been devoted to anything work related.  When I originally started this blog, the idea of it came to mind specifically because of the encounters I’ve had throughout my career….but of late….very little has happened worth writing about….until today.

I had just settled into my office….an ice cold Starbuck’s iced coffee resting within reach of my keyboard, my Pandora App quietly playing a medley of music on Relaxation Radio, my desk lamp emanating a soft glow of lighting complimented nicely by the bright sunshine streaming in through my office windows….when the figure of a man….one of our regional managers….darkened my doorway and issued the following proclamation:

“We have a problem.”

Me:  Hey there, Flight, what’s up?

Co-Worker:  One of our associates (who I will hereafter refer to as Mad Crapper), er, pooped at a customers facility.

Me:  Alright.  Is he not supposed to use their restroom for some reason?

Co-Worker:  Well, that’s the problem, he didn’t use the restroom, he used their side lawn.

Me:  Huh?

Co-Worker:  Yup.  He took a dump on their side lawn and they have it on video surveillance.  Very clear video surveillance.  There’s no denying it’s him or what was happening.

Me:  Huh?

Co-Worker:  They sent over the footage, do you want to see it?

Me:  No, I think I’ll pass.  But, why on earth did he do such a thing?  Did he have some sort of bowel emergency?  Could he not access their restroom’s?

Co-Worker:  I don’t know.  I haven’t spoken with him yet.  I wanted to talk to you first.  I can’t imagine how you get to the point of thinking that’s acceptable though.  If it were me, I would do anything and I mean ANYTHING to avoid dropping a bomb on the lawn of a customer.  I would have crapped my pants first, or done it on the seat of the car.  Wouldn’t you?

Me:  I’d like to think I’d never be in a situation where it might come to that, but shit (heh), I don’t know, I think we need to understand the motives.  Maybe he had an emergency and just totally panicked.  Maybe he did it out of spite?  How’s his relationship with the customer?  Do they treat him like crap (heh) or have there been no issues?

Co-Worker:  I’ll be sure to find all that out during my investigation.  Once we know the motivations though, where do we go from there?

Me:  If it was truly an emergency and he just flat out panicked, I think we need to have some compassion for his plight….however unfathomable we might consider his actions.  I think you and Mad Crapper both need to try and meet with the customer, offer an explanation and an apology and perhaps they will be willing to allow him to remain on their account.

It may also be that it’s just too uncomfortable a situation to rectumfy, (kidding, I didn’t say that, but how awesome would it be if I had!?), rectify and we’ll need to figure that internally.

If it happened out of spite due to a disagreement, then we’ll need to let him go and obviously apologize profusely to the customer either way.  You’ll need to think about how you can repair that relationship with them and whether or not it can be saved.  I imagine that will be a tougher conversation to have.

Co-Worker:  Ok, I’ll keep you posted.

Me:  Thanks….oh and one more thing….do you have a pooper scooper?  I feel like you should probably offer to clean it up….he is your employee after all.


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