Peek-A-Boo….I See You!
Well….it’s Friday and I am still employed. The future remains unclear….conversations regarding the potential elimination/outsourcing of my position to a third-party are still on-going….but truthfully, I don’t really care. It’s just a job….I have no emotional connection to it….and my loyalty really only extends to the duration of time between paychecks.
For the most part, I consider work and career to be a marriage of convenience and necessity. I do my job with little to no micromanaging or even supervision and they pay me….which is convenient for me, because I enjoy a great deal of flexibility and I am not particularly motivated to look for something else.
Furthermore, if they are going to eliminate my position, I want them to force me out. Force out’s mean severance packages and I could use an extended vacation to ponder my next move….from a beach chair.
So, until the hatchet man comes calling, I might as well continue to enjoy the entertainment my current job provides.
Here’s how I earned my paycheck this week….
1. I attended a job fair where an alleged job seeker asked, (as he grabbed a trinket from my table and placed it into his heaping reusable shopping bag full of trinkets), if our jobs would require him to work four days or five? I told him five.
He said, “Nevermind, I only want to work four.”
To which I said, “Yeah, me too….if you find any of those employers around here, would you mind swinging around again to let me know?”
2. During an interview, I asked an applicant why he had only spent seven weeks with his last employer.
He said, “To be honest, that was their fault. They never should have hired me.”
So….I took the opportunity to learn from his prior employers mistake.
3. I visited the website of a small, rural newspaper I am looking to advertise in and while clicking through the site for their ad sales department, I found the following:
For advertising assistance contact Kattie at: kattie at valleynews dot com.
I’m not going to lie….it took me a minute to solve the riddle.
4. Tuesday, April 14, 2015, was Equal Pay Day. The date is meant to symbolize how far into the year women must work to earn what men earned in the previous year.
On the average, women are presently earning approximately 78 cents to the man’s dollar. I know this to be true in my own role, within my own department….don’t ask how I know, I won’t tell how I know. To be fair, in my case, the gap is a little less than the national average, but the gap exists nonetheless.
I have therefore decided to adjust my work accordingly and will be spending approximately 22% of every work day twirling my thumbs, shopping online, and/or catching up on my various games of Words with Friends and Trivia Crack. Moving forward, I will also be totally unreachable on the weekends, holidays and while on vacation….so there!
5. I was happily satisfying a particularly intense lunch HOUR, (no more going without lunch or cramming food down my throat at the speed of light while hunched over my desk for me….22%!), burrito craving when I came face to labia with another woman’s vagina.
She had apparently forgotten to zip her fly and being that she was going commando, her lady parts gave me a little vertical smile as she cruised by. In that moment, two things happened….
1. I gained an unfortunate amount of knowledge regarding the grooming habits of a stranger.
2. I will probably never eat Chipotle again.
Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!