Big Booty Hoe’s…..

I remember, quite fondly actually, when I could make a phone call and the only thing I heard as I waited for someone to answer was the simple, but effective, brrring, brring, brrring, of a standard telephone.  That classic trill echoing through my receiver, told me everything I needed to know; I had correctly dialed a phone number and it was working.

The saying, “You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone,” can be applied to so many things….

These days, when I pick up the phone to call a new applicant, I’m more often than not greeted by the not-quite formal, but not-quite informal voice of a woman who has carved out a career niche for herself by uttering the words I loathe to hear….“Please enjoy this ringtone while your party is reached.”

And, nope….I generally do not find it at all enjoyable.

I assume, people elect this option as a way of customizing and personalizing the cellular experience.  That the selected song has some kind of personal meaning.  That the person who chose it, chose it because he or she relates to it in some way….otherwise, why bother?  And, I get it.

When I got my first cell phone in my very early twenties, the ringtone I set for incoming calls was the original theme song to Beverly Hills 90210….and then I grew up.  I quickly realized, simply by observing the reactions of my co-workers and strangers, that this was probably lame.  Yeah, I liked the show….Ok, LOVED the show, but I knew that conclusions regarding my maturity as a professional adult were being made by my irritating choice of ringtones….that for all things, there is a time and a place….

So, when I pick up the phone, dial an applicant and hear the now all too familiar ring tone lady inviting me to “Please enjoy this ringtone while your party is reached” and the next thing I hear is….“All I want is hoes, big booty hoes,” it’s pretty much over.

It’s not because I don’t happen to share the same taste in music, or because I believe a person’s enjoyment of any particular genre of music is character defining, but because I have to wonder about the overall consciousness of a person who chooses to represent themselves to all prospective callers, from family members to business associates, with a song whose lyrics include…“Biggie bag bitches from barbecues to bar mitzvah’s.”  So yeah, this probably isn’t going to work out….

Not all choices have me leaning toward a denial though….some just give me a chuckle and a chance to insert a bit of snark when I share them on my blog.

Geez, so many Halls of Shame to keep track of…..Here are the ringtones!

Britney Spears – I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman.   Um, I’m guessing, based on the dates you included on your resume that you are somewhere in your mid-to-late thirties…..I hate to break it to you, but a more appropriate choice might have been, “I’m A Woman, But Not Yet An Old Woman.”  Proposed sample lyrics, “I’m not an Old Woman, I’m just trying to fight the crows feet in me, yeah…”  

Kanye West – Gold-Digger.  You applied for a part-time job that pays $13.00 an hour….no benefits….gold diggers are probably the least of your worries.

Guns N’ Roses – I Used To Love Her….But I Had To Kill Her.  So, this explains the gaps in your employment history.

Kenny Chesney – She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.  Please….you live in the suburbs of a major city….at best, you have a riding lawn mower and no one thinks that’s sexy.

Brad Paisley – Ticks.  Lyme Disease is so romantic.

Meghan Trainor – All About That Bass.  Hey!  I might know someone for you….he likes a big booty….

To be continued…..  

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