My First Time….

Today, I had the pleasure of participating in the following conversation with a prospective new associate (hereafter referred to as Mary Jane) at the final stages of a very lengthy and costly application process.

Mary Jane:  “I just got a call from the doctor’s office about my drug test results.”

Me, to myself:  “And here we go…”

Mary Jane:  “The doctor told me I tested positive for Marijuana?”

Me, to myself:  “Why the statement in the form of a question?  Were you expecting to have tested positive for something else?”

Mary Jane:  “I am totally freaking out.”

Me, to myself:  “You’re 45 years old, you should really put down the bong and stop using the sentiment, “totally freaking out.”

Mary Jane:  “At first, I told her it must be some mistake.  Then, I remembered I was hanging out with some old friends a few months ago and one of them had a joint we passed around.”

Me to myself:  “Totally makes sense….that you would forget something so wildly out of character….”

Mary Jane:  “It was the one and only time I have EVER smoked anything.”

Me, to myself:  “If I had a dime bag for every time I heard that, I’d be a dealer.”

Here’s the thing….personally, I have no issues with Marijuana, or people who chose to smoke it.  It’s the wasting of hundreds of dollars in resources and, quite frankly, my time, that I have a problem with.

I approach each interested applicant with the same goal in mind….to be as open and clear with regards to the process as possible.  The intent is to give people the chance to drop out on their own, if necessary and with no questions asked.

Why?  So that I can avoid the tears and pleas that often accompany these conversations.    There are no loopholes.  No amount of begging or tales of woe will sway the end result.     

Drug Test Fail Excuses Hall of Shame….Inductees to Date:

“I promise I don’t smoke pot, but everyone in my family does and I can’t avoid them during the holiday’s.  I always get a contact high.”

“Well, I recently had a hernia surgery and surgeries leave traces of cocaine.”

“I smoked it in a state where it’s legal.”

“There were mushrooms in the pasta a friend made me for dinner.”

“I was Ruffied…didn’t I mention it?”

To be continued…..I’m sure….

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